The barrel against my skin felt cool and unreal holding it there and waiting to get the nerve to pull the trigger I just couldn't do it, at least not yet. I've been shot before and I wasn't going to do it again unless I knew I was dead this time.
I put it back into my pillow and put the stuffing back in it. I sewed it up and placed it on my bed. "another day." I thought, even though the thought had been in my head for a couple years now... I pushed my blond hair behind my ear. I wasn't gothic, I was just suicidal. My intentions of life were to make the people around me, happy by giving them my bodie. I was the schools worst person, I smoked pot and I did all kinds of drugs. the reason why I didn't care about my life? simple, my mom,dad,and my brother. My dad and brother rape me when ever my mom isn't home. I tell her about it but she just doesn't listen to a word I say anymore, she thinks I'm making thisCENSOREDup but I'm not. I just don't care anymore about it. my boyfriend cares though. he is the only reason I don't take the gun in my pillow case and blow my brains out in my room right now.
I leaned back against the pillow case and sighed. My thighs hurt because they were already done with me for the day. I picked up the house phone and dialed my boyfriends number, his mom picked up after a couple rings.
"hello?" she always asked in a friendly voice.
"can I talk to Brett?" I asked nicely.
"sure! of corse you can." she said cheerfully. she called his name and I herd him pick up and say "got it mom."
"hey Jamie." he said even friendlier.
"hey babe, can I come over?" I asked there was a pause on the other end for a moment I knew he was thinking.
"sure, common I'm not doing anything today, but if I was I cancel it just for you." he said, I knew he was smiling to him self.
"ok be over in five?" I asked with out answer." love you see you then.
"Ok love you too by." I waited till he hung up. I then grabbed my shoes and lifted the window and climbed through it a little bit of pain shot through my legs and, it justbhurt so bad from the hours of torchor. i was out into the yard shortly after. I walked funny across the yards and over the fence to his yard. I tapped lightly on the window. I herd him talking to his mom. she was asking what I wanted and he said to tell him about a test Monday. I herd his mom close the door and walk down the hallway... she was hevy set. He quickly and quietly opened the window and let me in, I had trouble climbing in so he helped me as much as he could. I kissed him once I was in all the way.
"I missed you so much." I said, I started to cry. he grabbed my shoulders and pushed me away gently.
"what did they do to you?" he asked, looking as if he were going to cry too.
"they did it again. I swear, I'm going to freak out on them if my mom keeps leaving me alone with them." I said a tear escaped my eye and he wiped it away with his thumb. he held me for the longest minuet of my life.
"I wish there was something I could do..." he said. I looked at him.
"I want..." I swallowed can't believing what I was about to say."I want a baby, maby then they will get the picture that they should stop the abuse." I whispered into his chest. he shook his head no.
" you know I would do anything in the world for you... except hurt you even more." he stated seriously.
"let's run away" I have never suggested that before until now. I've thought it but never actually said it. he thought for a moment.
"when your ready I'm ready." he said smiling at me. He went to the kitchen and packed bread,soup in a can, my favorite thing is a comb i had in my pocket, a old pocket knife,batteries, two flash lights, two lighters,corn in a can, and most importantly... two hundred dollars that he has saved up for eight months for emergencies. I smiled at him and we climbed back through the window. every step hurt and I didn't know how to explain it to him. He offered to carry me but I refused. I've been through worse, we walked to the woods. I stop walking a turn to him.
"are you sure? Brett, this is your last chance to back out." is said being serious. he shook his head no and started walking. We walked for about a hour until the woods gave away to an opening. I looked up, it was getting dark and fast.
"I think we need to go faster." I said trying to rush. he stopped me.
"no we rest." he assured me.
"we've only walked an hour, if they notice were gone people find us in no time." I said almost begging him to continue.
"no." I knew he wouldn't give in to me, especially when he is serious like this. I sighed and sat down next to him on the ground next to him.
"So what do we do?" we need to keep away from clearings like this. "I'm talking about when we get to starting fires." I shivered remembering how cold it was.
he took a good size stick and broke it in half. he pulled the pocket knife out of his pocket and handed it to me.
"I'm going to show you how to hunt, how my dad does it." he took rock and started to rub it against the stick really fast and eventually the stick became pointed at the end. I took the knife and shaded the sides off carefully not to cut myself. He showed me how to do it right then and we made four spears out of good sized sticks. it was now almost dark enough the only light was the moon. I huddled against him in the grass. he quickly got up and climbed a tree.
"what are you doing!" I asked.
"I forgot there was coyotes out here, through me the food bag." I threw it up to him carefully. "Watch your step and climb up." It was hard to even step up to the branch it took fifteen minuets. I leaned back against two branches and he laid across three. I faced towards the tree while he faced away. We slept in a tree for the first time, it was the most uncomfortable thing to sleep on in the world in my opinion.
I woke up to him kissing my neck and sliding his round over my skin. I pushed him away.
"what are you doing." I moaned.
"Waking you up and by the way you look beautiful." he said smiling. I instantly ran the small brush through my hair.
"there now how does it look?" I asked smiling at him.
"much better." he laughed.